A Snob Comes To Kilburn

The Daily Mail has tasked ‘posh’ Petronella Wyatt with the job of reviewing discount supermarket Aldi, in Kilburn.

Why the sudden interest in Aldi?

Well, discount supermarkets are no longer seen as ‘tacky’ and one will not damage their reputation should one step foot inside a Lidl or an Aldi.

Some of Aldi’s success has been attributed to its middle class customers who as a result can now be found in the discounted store carrying a Waitrose ‘Bag for Life’.

Changes seen in middle class shopping behaviour show that Morrisons, Tesco, Sainsbury’s and even Waitrose are being ditched for the likes of Aldi & Lidl.

Middle class shoppers have an affinity for luxury foods and are attracted to discounted stores supplying such items for less.

We’re also living in the zeitgeist of thriftiness, more people are comfortable admitting that they shop at discount stores.

So what did Ms Wyatt, the ‘Posh Shopper’ have to say about Aldi, in Kilburn?

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She didn’t waste any time and began slagging off the High Road, “Kilburn High Road is not a pleasant experience for anyone with pretensions of respectability.”

What did she find so unpleasant that her respectability was at stake?

In between sips of elderflower water, she goes on to “wonder if she will be assaulted”, just like that, which speaks volumes about how prejudice she is.

So, she’s made her way from Swiss Cottage to Kilburn and hey presto all of a sudden expects some kind of violent interaction.

“The supermarket resembles the canteen of a high-security prison” I was beginning to wonder at what point would she make reference to a prison, how predictable.

Her brain is clearly hard-wired to express extreme snobbery to anywhere that’s different to what she’s used to, “everything over £5 has an electronic security tag”.

Her derogatory influx continues, now aimed at everyday locals, “the shoppers looked harassed, exuding a downtrodden, despairing air”.
She goes on, “the majority are obese, dressed in baggy outfits and unkempt.”

She looks long and hard for someone the right size, best dressed and who clearly is not going to physically assault her, to talk to. “Eventually, I approach a male shopper in his 50s who is at least clean-shaven and ask if he considers himself middle-class?

He bares his teeth. ‘B***** off. I’ve got a dicky heart.”

She goes on to make fun of the vulnerable, “‘I’m sorry,’ I begin to say until I observe him filling his trolley with cream buns”. Not worth your time Ms Wyatt, he’s nothing but a fat old working class git.

She is far too superior for Kilburn and deserves better, “most of the shop assistants speak poor English and are flummoxed by words of more than one syllable.”

Ms holier than thou then runs out of putdowns and relapses into all things crime related, “the burly security guards seemed to regard every customer as a potential criminal, including me.” Gasp! Perish the thought!

To sum up, according to the Daily Mail’s choice of posh reporter, Kilburn High Road is dangerous, dumb, everyone’s obese and has a middle class factor of 3/10.

Aldi is located on Kilburn High Road and is a 5-10 minute walk from the following stations: Kilburn Tube, via the Jubilee Line, Kilburn Park, via the Bakerloo Line, Kilburn High Road and Brondesbury, both via the Overground.

Image source: @fotohaus